What is special about 245?

As promised, my story as to why 245 is an important milestone for me:

Long long ago, many many years . . . maybe 20 years or so . . .

I was discussed with myself for gaining weight.  Mind you I wasn’t really doing anything to prevent it, nor was I monitoring it or really watching it, but when I did get on the scale it just seemed I was always heavier than the time before.  This was not an uplifting mood I was in, very judgemental and very much about what I didn’t like (to weigh more), but almost nothing about what I did want (to be healthier and fit).

In this sour mood I made one of my “decisions” for myself.  That any time I was over 245, I just won’t eat.  No matter what, that was my limit, that was it, nuff said.  I’d drink nothing but water until I was back under that weight.

None of this of course was thought/done/decided out of a loving caring place for myself.

And of course despite the anger and the upset and the threats and the promises (all to myself) . . . I never did that what I said I would do.

However, for some reason the number stuck in my consciousness.

So much so that . . . 11 years later when I started the Master’s program at Seminary, getting back to that weight was one of the things I listed as wanting for myself.

In the nine years since then, going through first the master’s program and now the doctorate program, that remained on my “road map” in one form or another.  It never went away.  For most of that time, I knew I was way over that value (268 at one point), but I just kept tracking and working towards that in one way or another.

So coming full circle and back to that weight is an important milestone.  Now that I have made that journey, I can tell you that it wasn’t about what I wouldn’t do.  It wasn’t about self sacrifice or denying myself food or being hard on myself.

Coming full circle was/is about loving myself.  It is about making commitments to myself.  Not some silent inner process “oh I’m committed to that . . . sort of”, but the kind of commitment that is willing to announce, declare, and to be open to others.  The kind of commitment that put mental (this blog), physical (exercise), emotional (asking other for support) and even a Spiritual (praying/CKT) energy into the project in a directed and ongoing way.

I realize now, that getting to a goal like this,  isn’t something that I do once it a while.  It is that thing I do every day on multiple levels of my consciousness.

That really doesn’t do justice to explain my journey.  Most of this is an inner process that has taken many years to come to.  DSS was a huge part of that awakening.

So as I stand at this milestone, in the same instance, I both recognize the importance of this moment for what it means, but I also recognise that this isn’t the end of the journey.

So now is the time, to be watchful and vigilance.

Please pray for me.

May God bless and keep all who read or write or know of this blog.

Baruch Bashan

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4 Responses to “What is special about 245?”

  1. Maryann Castellanos Says:

    I am delighted to hear your story. As I read it, a bit of info came to me that I have been practicing that is new for me. A friend shared with me that inner information is stronger when it is a dialog. That would explain why the blog is working for you because you aren’t just taking to yourself. At least that is what it is for me!

    So I am glad to see you talking to more than just you. I choose to apply this to my SE’s. To really make sure that I was connecting to the “listener”.

    • Frank Says:

      I agree, though I’d phrase it differently.

      Ideas, thoughts, pictures float through the mind all the time. It is easy to say “gee I’ll loose weight” or “give up caffeine” or whatever. Those are just thoughts in the mind though until you put energy into to them. (I think we have both heard JR mention that once or twice.) I have in the past had the tendency to make some declaration like that as a thought that floated by and then consider that an “agreement”, even though some levels were not in agreement at all.

      I have had lots of other thoughts about what this life change should look like and how it should be. But I’ve been pretty good about being really careful about what I write here.

      Here is a commitment to put energy into it and monitor it.

  2. E. Yvonne Mochel Says:

    Hi Frank,

    I am blessed to read the posts here. Light and prayers to you for continued unfoldment in the school of expansion and learning. Your story echos us all at one time or other.

    I have never used this format before. Hope this is all that is needed.

    Your DSS buddy, Yvonne

    • Frank Says:

      All that is needed . . . no . . . “doing does it” a phrase I know you are familiar with.

      This and prayer and exercise and eating per FFL and CKT and . . . well paying attention.

      However, that said, I personally have found a “publicly stated commitment” to be a powerful motivator that helps focus me. Everything I mentions PLUS that, then add this blog as . . . more or less a way to keep track.

      That is “all that is needed”. [wink]

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